Joshua's War Journal

Completing last nights entry.  Events of the evening left me little chance to continue yesterday, but the details of those events are more appropriately kept in my personal journal.

Basil... I confess that I know little more about him now than I did when I invited him to join us in the Poison Apple Pub on the New Year's.  His contributions to our cause have not been insignificant, and although I still regard his moral and ethical stature as somewhat stunted, it is clear that he is at least loyal to our interests, if not altogether open or friendly.  His performance during the battle was certainly not lacking; if anything, he is more capable at commanding soldiers then he probably expected to be.  I am not certain, however, that he really feels like he belongs in this war.  I will have to find the occasion to strengthen his ties to me.  Who knows?  Perhaps he even has a champion lurking somewhere behind the likeable but shallow mask he puts forward.

Derek McDraken.  If I had no other idea why this Inquisition is taking place, the things I have seen that wizard do would tell me.  With apparent ease, save for the obvious focus and concentration his spells require, he can end the lives of men, giving them as little choice in their fate as a beetle has beneath my boot.  And yet, to know him - he is a man of studious curiousity, and far less understanding of the realities of war - or of life - than I thought it was possible to survive with.  He has grown much during our journey, both in character and in power.  I can't account for my feelings about him... I've seen him turn into a helldog and tear men's throat out with his teeth, and then get confused trying to find his way to the stables.  Bah... if there is one thing I am certain of, it's that I'm glad he's on our side.  Usually.

And finally... Jasmine.  I have wronged this woman greatly, and my only solace is that I do not believe she is aware of it.  Yesterday, during the battle - indeed, at the moment of our greatest peril - I saw something that, for the first time since we came north from Seaquen, utterly surprised me.  I saw a lone woman, unarmored and barely armed, single handedly charge an onrushing line of enemy calvary.  Such an action would have been unthinkable for the woman I had believed her to be up until that moment, and yet it was precisely the right move.  In retrospect, I now see what I have been blind to for so long... that is her true talent.  Nearly every action she takes is precisely the right move.  While I have been struggling to make decisions that will turn out to be the correct ones for both us and our cause, she simply seems to wait until the time for action is upon her, and then do whatever it is that best accomplishes her aims.  I am convicted of my own failure of judgement.  Had I properly recognized her worth, I might have paid closer heed to her council in our travels, and by so doing saved who knows how much effort, how much time, even how many lives?  Thaeos forgive me for my foolishness in judging her by my eyes, instead of her capability.  And my thanks to both her and my harsh Lord, for giving me an opportunity to see the truth.  I have a great many other thoughts regarding Jasmine, but I think they are best penned in my private journal.

Our battle continues, and I give thanks that I am now even better prepared to fight it.  And I am even more grateful that I now see those whom I fight beside with clearer vision.

Joshua the Stormborn, this Tenth day of Aurorsmoon, in the Year 459.

The battle with King Steppengard's misguided army is now finished.  We damn near kicked their asses back to Bresk.  Well, figuratively speaking, at any rate.

I couldn't help but feel that whoever was leading the King's forces just didn't take us very seriously.  Other than a few interesting moments when our entire army ran away from a screaming, flying cat, we pretty much dominated the battlefield.  To illustrate my point - our force didn't sustain a single casualty.  Every soldier who walked onto our side of the battle field is still breathing as I write this.  Not that I wanted any of our men to die in an utterly pointless skirmish, but really - is it even called a battle when only one side gets killed?

I would like to think that our success was a sign of my Lord's favor, but I'm just not that simple minded.  (And besides, Holy Thaeos isn't in the business of making his servant's lives easier, no matter what Elessar may think.  Quite the opposite, in fact.)  Truth is, we won because we were that much better than even I gave us credit for.  I'm ready to admit that I've been guilty of underestimating my comrades, after what I witnessed this morning.

Perhaps it's time I take a second look at who I'm fighting beside.  Ever since we left Gate Pass, I've been too busy charging towards the next goal to pause and reconsider what I thought I knew about these warriors.  (Upon reflection, I now realize that having my knee dissected was a lesson from my Lord that I needed to stop rushing forward and slow down.  I've got to learn to start figuring out His intentions before He has to get my attention His way.)  So, in the glow of victory everyone's enjoying right now, I decided to sit down and take stock of my allies ... my friends. 

Elessar has, perhaps, traveled the longest journey of any of us.  I am impressed by his steadfastness and his will, but in every other way he has proven himself to be what I expected of him - a man trained to be a champion but sheltered too long from the truth of what that means.  I believe that he - like me - is searching for his own identity, a sense of who and what lies within him.  This I have learned:  Finding oneself is not an easy task when you undertake it beneath the unwavering gaze of Holy Thaeos.  I welcome him as I would a brother, but I know now that his path will take him in a different direction than my own.  Nevertheless, I trust that his faith will sustain him in the face of the mistakes that he has yet to make.  I pray that he learns to know those mistakes for what they are - the mile markers in a journey towards the fate that commands all servants of our Lord.  But for now, at least, I can take joy in what he has accomplished, and pride in the man he is becoming as our war continues.  It is not insignificant that Sharakas trusts him - it is a compliment he has well earned.

Arlyn is no less a confusion to me now than he was the day we first met.  He has all the skills and potencies of one who has found the strength of focus and purpose, and yet in so many other ways he just doesn't seem to give a shit.  I can't help liking him a little bit more with each passing day, in spite of myself.  If I have been waiting for him to prove his potential, though, then today was all the proof I needed.  He's going to be one hell of a pain in the ass for our enemies - and probably for us, as well.  I may never quite understand what makes him tick, but I'm damned glad he's with us.

Charmalina may be my biggest mistake.  I never questioned her value as a warrior, no matter her size or gender.  But I also never believed she had the maturity, the strength of character or true sense of self to be an asset to our cause.  I didn't give her enough credit, as it happens.  She's still got a long way to go, and even now I suspect that her devotion is to her brother and her self rather than our cause, but by Thaeos, that girl has earned my respect!  If she was ever the liability I mistook her for, that time is now LONG past.  I'd feel bad about the way I misjudged her... but I think that most of this is a recent development.  I'll spend some time getting to know her better in the days ahead - she needs to develop closer ties to the rest of us.